Donovan's Autobiography

Donovan James began his career as Jesus Christ's official spoon-er, seeing as how Jesus got so lonely at night since his Dad didn't exist. Later, Donovan felt the sick, sick irony of this, as his own Dad, despite existing, fought very hard to give Donovan the impression of not-existing. And this is how he came to be a writer and engineer. Not an athlete, mind you, seeing as how the concept of throwing a ball remained an enigma to him, despite consistently dominating at Fantasy Football.

Donovan waited tables for many years throughout college, where he was hit on by gay men, middle aged women, straight men, elderly women, and pretty much every demographic besides 18-25 year old women. What women he did meet, by any and all benchmarks, were certifiably insane. He moved to MD after graduating, where his follies with insane women continued, because, according to his brother, Donovan has a 'tasty penis.' That last sentence, for its thick incestuous innuendos, should disturb you. Regardless, he now works as a Systems Engineer in Baltimore, Maryland, making a ton of money and continues looking for a gorgeous gold digging wife to buy shiny things for.

You can check out some of his original writing here:

http://dissentinpenmanship.blogspot.com